


Letters to Victor

by nek0zawakun



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Omegaverse, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29589015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nek0zawakun/pseuds/nek0zawakun
Summary: Victor.In my thoughts you are beautiful.Victor.In my mind you are deceptive.Victor.In my thoughts you are perfect.Victor.In my mind you are a liar.
Relationships: Victor Nikiforov & Yuri Plisetsky
Kudos: 17





	Letters to Victor

Victor.

In my thoughts you are beautiful.

Victor.

In my mind you are deceptive.

Victor.

In my thoughts you are perfect.

Victor.

In my mind you are a liar.

Victor.

In my mind I hate you. I want to tear you apart. I want to hit your frustrating beautiful face to the point of unrecognition. I want to wipe that smile off your face, to destroy that goofy look. Bring back the Victor I saw on TV. The Victor I admired. The Victor I fell in love with. What have you become? What have _I_ become?

Victor.

Your name continuously plays on my mind. I want to whisper it every time I see the hideous photos you post on _Vinstagram_ , every time someone mentions you, every time I see you on TV...I want to feel it roll off my tongue and echo in my ears. I want you to hear me say it; to feel the goose bumps on your skin every time I open my mouth to call you. I want you to shudder.

Victor.

You are my soulmate. My alpha. We have the same mark in a form of a water lily. Mine is on my shoulder with the initials V.N. and yours is on the back of your neck with the initials Y.P. This cannot be a coincidence. This is destiny. We were destined to be together. I believe in that. Why don't you?

Victor.

You said that sometimes nature plays tricks on us. The twelve-year age gap we have can be nothing but a mistake. You said that I am too young to understand, but when I grow older, I will know. Rejecting your soulmate. That is cruel, Victor. How could you be so cruel to me?

Victor.

My mark is aching again. It is sore and reddened and occasionally bleeding. I cannot stop scratching it, but that just makes everything worse. Yesterday Yakov said that if I do not stop tormenting my body, he will not allow me to participate in Rostelecom Cup. We have had an argument and I left, but today before 8 am sharp I was already back at the Ballet studio, practicing everything Baranovskaya taught me. I will win this gold, Victor. I must. I will never allow your pig to feel superior. Never.

Victor.

Sometimes I wonder if you feel it when I suffer. The doctor Baranovskaya took me to, said that soulmates feel each other's pain. Why can't I feel you at all? Are you happy, Victor? Are you happy without me?

It is another sleepless night for me. As soon as Yakov sees me tomorrow he will start shouting. Baranovskaya will start her tirade about beauty and grace and Mila...well, Mila will forever remain herself. The streetlights from the window look appealing. I stare at the ceiling. I feel my mark burn again. I stop myself as I reach out to scratch it. I bury my face in the pillow and swallow my tears. I'm surprised I am still able to cry.

Victor

I'm tired and I'm hurting. You keep posting your photos with Katsudon and it's nauseating. My shoulder is scarred beyond repair. Yakov took me to the hospital to stop the bleeding. When they took off the bandages most of the skin was off, but your initials were still burning through my flesh. V.N. Baranovskaya forced me to wear gloves. She said if I don't stop what I'm doing, she will not teach me anymore.

Victor

I've had my first heat. It was a torture. For a week I did not leave my flat. I didn't know that heat was so painful. I felt like all my bones were being broken and then rearranged. I was restless and sick. I couldn't eat, but continued vomiting, until I almost passed out from dehydration. I needed an alpha. My alpha. My soulmate. That's what the omeganologyst said. The heat passes differently in omegas who did not meet their soulmate, it's easier and quicker, but unfortunately it was not my case. I _felt_ like dying. I _was_ dying. But _you_ weren't there.

Victor

I lost the Rostelecom Cup. I lost to your pig. You didn't say anything to me, but at least you granted me a look. Our eyes met. Your eyes. They haunt me in my sleep and when I'm sober. Your hand reached to your neck as you traced your mark. The burning sensation returned. Katsudon threw himself in your arms and my mark burnt tenfold. I couldn't stay. I couldn't watch.

Victor

Today I had my first confession. Otabek Altin is kind and caring. Otabek Altin is handsome. Otabek Altin is stoic and quiet. Otabek Altin is patient. Otabek Altin is always there for me. Otabek Altin is willing to do anything I ask. Otabek Altin brings me harmony. But Otabek Altin is not you. Why couldn't it be him? Why couldn't he be my soulmate? My alpha? Why did nature play such a cruel trick? It's not fair. You were right, life is unfair.

Victor

Lately my mark does not burn or itch. I almost cannot feel it's presence. Every chance I get, I bare my shoulder to check if it is still there. I'm scared. I'm scared that it will fade, and I will disappear with it. I'm scared to lose myself. I'm scared of emptiness. From the time I've discovered our bond, all I felt was pain, but at least I felt _something_. This is calm before the storm and I don't feel ready.

Victor

I don't feel anything. There is nothing. No pain, no itch, no burn, no tingling. The mark began to fade. I've seen a doctor and he just shook his head. He said that sometimes this happens after a soulmate rejects the other half. But it is not a reason to feel distressed. When one mark fades, the other appears. It is a rare occurrence, but it happens. His words went over me. My shoulder is mark free, but the scars remained. Not all scars are visible.

Victor

I've stopped following your page. I don't know what's happening in your life. I can barely understand what is going on in mine. The emptiness I felt remains, but I continue living. I don't understand it myself, but something keeps pushing me...pushing me to live on.

Victor

The new mark appeared on my wrist. At first it was small and faint, but the more I looked at it the larger it became and it's beautiful. Flowery pattern with initials O.A. I couldn't believe it. it must have been a joke. Yet it wasn't. His mark, just like himself, was warm. Every time I traced my fingertips over it I felt waves of comforting heat spreading all over my body. I didn't know that having a mark could be so pleasant.

Victor

I didn't know a person could feel so loved and wanted. This is how Otabek makes me feel every time he is with me and even more so when we are apart. I think this is what happiness feels like. Is that what you always felt with Katsudon? For the first time in my life, I think I can truly wish you happiness. Even if it's without me, because I am learning to be happy without you.

Victor

I still think about you, but now you are a distant reminiscence. I want to know how you are, but I don't dare to look through the social media. Whenever someone tries to talk to me about you, I shut down. I don't want to hear it. I don't want the memories to come back. I don't want to know how you are doing.

These will be my last words for you.

Dear Victor, I know that I will never be able to forget you. You will never be completely erased from my thoughts, but dear Victor, I will live without you. And I will be happy.

***

The doorbell is loud and obnoxious. I hurry to open up, hoping it's Otabek with the food, but I am wrong.

"What are you doing here?" I take a step back as I look into your eyes. They are dull. You are pale. I see the bandages on your neck and with every fibre of my body I know what they are, because I've had the same.

"Yura," my name rolls of your tongue, but I don't shudder. "Yurochka," you reach out and try to hug me, but I slip away. I don't want you to touch me, Victor.

"Victor, what are you doing here? Where is Katsudon?" my voice is probably cold, but I don't care.

"Yuri...I...we split up." he breathed out. I felt a pang at my chest. "All this time, Yura, the whole time, my mark wouldn't stop burning." You took a step closer. "I can't take it anymore, now I know how you must have felt and I'm sorry. Yurochka," you drop on your knees and reach out to me. "I'm so sorry." Tears streamed out of your beautiful eyes. Your lips trembled. The wrinkles on your face deepened from the weight loss. Victor, when did you get so old?

You wrap your arms around my waist, but I don't respond. I try to find something in my heart, anything, but I feel nothing but pity.

I gently wrap my arms around your head and let you cry. When you are calmer, I unwrap your arms from around me and show you my wrist. You blink in disbelief. You grab onto it and try to run the mark off. I would say it's funny, if the situation wasn't so sad.

"The mark we shared disappeared quite a long time ago," I finally say.

"But it's impossible." You whisper in disbelief. "You are lying."

I bare my shoulder and show you the scarred but clear of mark skin. Your heart sinks. I can see it in your eyes.

"But...mine is still there. It...it's."

" _Sometimes nature plays tricks on us_." I say, gently pushing you out of the door. "One day you will understand."


End file.
